People Pleasing: Are You Over It?
Did you know that people-pleasing or fawning, can occur as a result of trauma?
In general, those who "people please" when faced with something that triggers them are known to agree with someone else or go along with something just to avoid the situation where a conflict might occur, or where it might turn into something that causes negative emotions. People-pleasers are often seen as those who are really welcoming and encouraging people.
They are willing to help and say yes to almost anything and everyone. But that "yes," stems from them wanting to make those they care about happy and comfortable. One cause of this "people pleasing" tendency can be linked back to their childhood.
When a child grows up in a very controlling or very chaotic environment, they learn that certain behaviors get certain responses. For example, if they are really good or well-behaved, then their mom, dad, or the adult in their life is happy and that is what they learn about love.
This is one reason that "people pleasers" are more likely to find themselves in abusive relationships. When our views of what love really are were skewed at a young age, it is hard to step outside of those childhood views and learn something different. Love wasn't an easy thing to get as a child, so when love is given without "being earned" it is pushed away because the idea was formed years ago that we have to feel like we earned the love in order to accept it without question and for it to feel right.
I want you to know that you don't have to spend your life as a people pleaser. Can you do nice things out of the kindness of your heart, just because you want to? Absolutely yes! But you shouldn't do them out of fear that you won't be loved or wanted.
Your thoughts, opinions, and values are worthy of being voiced, and God will love you just the same. Those in your life who are there supporting you will love you just the same and those who don't, are only in your life for the wrong reasons!
Take some time to reflect this week on, "Are You a People Pleaser?"
